The Album: Tell All

when it comes to music, the story behind the work is oftentimes brushed under the rug. and yet, the experiences that elicit the compulsion to express emotion are one of the main propellants for the work itself. if not the only one…

i’ve been known to do things differently out of spite. in reality, i find myself trying new methods in attempts to get the results i desire. a prime example of this being group chat, where i did not share artist lineups-aiming for the event to grow its’ own audience instead of relying on the performers’ audiences- and where i did not share set times- in efforts to keep performers and their friends to stay for the duration of the event, instead of the typical schtick of people only coming to see their friends perform.

this time around, i’m not sure that i have a problem to solve that leads me to the solution of sharing my stories. it just honestly feel like a necessary step in my rollout process. these “tell alls” are the framework for the album and by heading back into the core, revisiting my ‘whats, whens, whys, wheres, and hows,’ i am honoring my work and validating my past experiences that led me to the point i’m at today.

vinyl label visuals

me and san walked around glen falls for like an hour trying to street cast a younger hand to model the balloons.

to encompass Baby’s First in one “tell all” feels superficial. long story short, this project deals with concepts of relationships and connections between lovers and friends, where they go haywire, and where they lead back to self discovery. it creatively maps out the last five-ish years of my life and breathes a new life into who i’ve become throughout that timeline.

each track has a different story behind it and i’m excited- and frankly also terrified- to let these stories off my chest and send them back into the world. and let the people who care enough to read, see a different side of the work, one that shows more humility. if nothing else, it will be a healing process for me and what preemptively feels like a completion of these 9 cycles.

wavy directing the shot

chango showing digital previews to double check composition before the official film shots, we had one roll, eight shots.

the album cover shoot was pretty insane. i love to say i have a $0 budget for all of my ideas, but really all of my funding that doesn’t go towards living necessities goes towards what i need to make my visions come alive. i bought a wig, and like 10 (?) bundles of hair. well, i realized the wig wasn’t long enough and when i tried to return it, new in the box, they told me “nope no returns.” welp okay, guess i’ll just buy a new one. majority of the budget for this shoot was spent on hair, and lots of it. i made the baby blanket veil and showed it at my hunt residencies show, kids’ table in may. we ended up shooting this sometime in july, after we had deinstalled the show. i remember having this vision in my head, and now all i can picture is the actual image, because it’s so spot on to what i had imagined. i wanted the hair and veil to be the centerpiece of the image.

so, i borrowed my dad’s pickup truck (i did this a LOT for this album, thanks dad!) and loaded my old mattress into the back and drove to avenir cine. we had ONE hour for this shoot, including setup and take down. biggest shoutout to andy morin for always giving to the arts community and letting us squeeze in when we could. chango was my shooter, san was there for bts and making sure the wig was laid and that i was looking cute, nick came to take polaroids, and silas came to document on their circut bent camera. andy ended up helping us out with lighting, because a spotlight sounded wayyy too delicious to turn down.

upon arrival, i threw the mattress in the cyc, made the bed, tossed the bunny, placed the flowers, and ran to get my wig on. i had the one on my head and an waist belt made from elastic and wire with 4 bundles sewn to it. the hair touched the ground with just those two pieces. the other bundles were cautiously laid under the previous layer of hair to give the illusion of 7 feet of hair.

polaroids by nick mass

best polaroid from the album cover shoot

after we wrapped, i treated everyone to pizza and wine at extra extra and we laid all the polaroids on the table while we waited for our food. when i had some time alone after to process the shoot, i realized the visual representations of hair this long and being grouped with rapunzel. so i did some lore digging and landed upon some bittersweet synchronicities. i particularly connected with the concept of hair as a visual representation of desire, and the cutting of hair being a separation of sorts.

in the fairy tale, it represents a separation from mother, which i found interesting, being that transitional object: thinning veil, the veil i wear in the album artwork, also represents a separation from mother in a different way. after making the veil, i decided to research psychological symbolism of baby blankets and found out about transitional objects, which are, you guessed it, objects that help one transition from one period to another. more often than not, the specific transition where an infant recognizes the mother as a separate identity from oneself and begins the “hatching” process. no, i’m not an infant finally recognizing that my mother is a separate being from me, nor am i a princess locked away in a tower, but these stories go deeper than the surface. they help confirm what i’ve already experienced before, and remembering this makes the cycle close out smoother. desire, separation, and loss are all common themes of relationships and the reality of connection with others. and ultimately, what Baby’s First dives headfirst right into.

my vision was a center framed shot of a bed in the middle of nowhere. comfort in uncertainty.

i couldn’t really move much with the disintegrating veil and 7 feet of hair trying to hide bundles. my feet fell asleep many times.

so, to break it down, wavy wednesdays will go a little like this:

next week, the official visual for track one will be released. the week after, you’ll be able to read track one’s “tell all” and view the respective polaroid gallery. these drops will alternate until each of the nine track’s visual and “tell all” are released, with some surprises here and there throughout. stay on your toes, because although Baby’s First might be available for listening, this is truly just the beginning of your welcoming into the world i’ve been creating. buckle up.