Track One: Critical Damage
track one. a fan favorite. I believe this is the first recorded track for the album. written and recorded in 2021, at my first apartment on prospect with chango and marli. it wasn’t a studio, it wasn’t even a room. it was just a corner in our main living area where our microphone made its home. I would wait until my roommates and downstairs neighbor- our landlord- weren’t home to record because i was experimenting with my voice during this era. as i’m writing this, i’m remembering that originally, this song had another verse. i think i shortened it for a few reasons, second verse wasn’t matching the energy of the first, re-playability, and i think i got my point across with one solid verse.
a lot was changing at this time for me personally. i had completed my first ever residency with chango and moved out of my parents’ house for the first time. i had a summer and some change under my belt with wildly creative people who i thought would be my friends for a long time. most of these bonds ended up being temporary, but i still think of that summer as a special one.
polaroid by silas, post shoot
dodge chargers originally caught my eye because of the taillights lol i love a good taillight
“time to give me the respect that i need.”
i was feeling disrespected by the way my so-called “friends” were treating me behind my back. i wanted the respect of having any issues brought to me, face to face, instead of hearing about issues from other people in our circle. apparently that’s too much to ask from certain people! i remember i had to text **** and ask her what the problem was since i kept hearing from other people that she didn’t like me anymore. actually i keep texts, i went back and checked, i just asked for my stuff back lol. i definitely believed i deserved the respect of proper communication. we don’t talk no more.
most of those summer friends have faded away. likeeee, almost all of them. it used to bother me but it doesn’t anymore, i understand now. it’s interesting to write this from such a removed perspective, because usually, when i write, it’s in the moment; it’s passionate and emotionally charged. revisiting the texts, feelings, and circumstances is just shining a floodlight on how much i’ve grown since then. i’m sure if it happened now, i would most certainly handle it differently, but that’s not to say i still wouldn’t be hurt and react from that emotionally charged place.
same summer, i remember continuously feeling betrayed by someone else i thought was a real friend. i never felt like any of them had my back. **** just wanted to climb the ladder. i remember the one time, we had group plans and somehow ***** ends up invited (how do they even know each other?) and i’m left to find other plans because i didn’t feel safe joining the group because of the past actions of *****. i can see clearly now, that no real friend would wanna hang out with a predator over me. i should’ve known then. i see a lot more in hindsight then i do in the thick of things. this wasn’t the only occasion where **** put me in a weird position.
moving along the timeline now. funny enough, this was ******’s favorite song of mine. i think that speaks volumes as to what kind of person they are. i think their actions fit right in with the others that this song was written to process. but we’ll dig deeper into this on track 6’s tell all…
“one shot, one kill, til’ they fall like dominos”
5 mattresses later,,, (there was also a boxspring we didn’t end up using)
this shoot is inspired by “the stinky cheese man and other fairly stupid tales” rendition of the princess and the pea. a childhood favorite
shooting the video for this track was the most beautiful experience. djackson connected me with erin gaddi and we talked some ideas out before meeting at my studio at the brisbane. our meeting was refreshing. erin cared about my concepts and making them come alive. he brought up ideas i mentioned in passing and then had shut down- because i saw someone had attempted to execute that idea before me- but reassured me that this was different, because it was our work. on shoot day, we met back at my studio before going to the first location. after erin and alex captured what they needed we were on the move, circling down elm and oak, 3 cars deep, me hanging out my passenger side window, alex hanging out the camera car, and nick’s car with red and blue flashing lights on his dashboard. we spun the block a couple times, maneuvering around drivers with crazy eyes, broken necks, and dodging 12. and on top of a wildly successful day one of shooting, erin facetimed me with a rough cut THE. NEXT. DAY. absolutely unheard of.
lil last min additions
i ruined the nib on stick figure guy’s posca by using it with the flag on the concrete, i still need to get them a new one lol
shoot day two was cuttin it real close. end of september shoot for a video that releases early october is certianly a choice. but this is how we made it work with our schedules. i have no idea how we pulled this shoot together. I ended up having to rent a uhaul to transport props to the church location… $150 later. it was a rough morning but someone up there was looking out for me cause there’s literally no other way this would have been possible. there was so much planning involved but it went out the window and it was an opportunity to see how well we could think on our feet and adapt to the situations right in front of us and still create something we were proud of.
i want to thank everyone involved one more time. so, thank you, djackson for connecting me with erin, erin for directing and shooting, and making my wild ideas a reality, alex for being second shooter, san for driving my car and being a bunny, silas for vhs footy and being a bunny, stick figure guy for being our hacker bunny, chango for playing his stand in on shoot day two, nick for being our cop, grizz and nolo for assiting with the camera car, dj for getting some bts, daniel for allowing us to capture our ideas in his beautifully critically damaged space, aaliyah for baby security, dave jackson for the vfx edits and all the other hands that helped give this project life.
